Very Important News from the Chain Restaurant World

As ours is a site that primarily focuses on owner-operated restaurants, every now and then I get some news from the Chain Restaurant world that I just can’t resist commenting on.

For example, the Nation’s Restaurant News announces that Applebee’s, which according to their newest hire Peter Czizek, “has a long history of delivering delicious and wide-ranging menus that keep the neighborhood coming back for more.” Ok. Czizek has been named Vice President of Culinary and Menu strategy.

I’ve eaten at Applebee’s a few times and pretty much everything tasted like everything else. What the chain really need is a VP of Demolition who can find a way to creatively blow up many of the under-performing and boring restaurants without damaging bystanders.

In another amazing development, Long John Silver’s, the kings of indifferent fast fried seafood, have hired Marie Zhang to be their Chief Food Innovation officer. Wow! Very impressive. What this exceptionally mediocre chain really needs is an innovator who hate popcorn shrimp as much as I do. That would be a good start.

And get this one. After ostensibly uncovering it’s strengths and weaknesses during the CBS reality show “Undercover Boss,” the giant Subway chain has come to the shocking realization that its employees have no real outlet for venting to corporate level executives. Come on, they had to discover this in a reality show? Are they that lame? What they really should do is admit once and for all that former fat boy turned slimmed-down corporate spoke-stud Jared, actually lost the weight through a series of multiple gastric bypasses. 10 years of eating nothing but Subway sandwiches and walking a bit? Sure. I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.

And then the Pittsburgh Post Gazette blasted a headline that says: “Goat meat? Yes, it’s become the latest trend.” That the entire article goes onto discuss Goat burgers et al, without ever once mentioning the legendary Texas cabrito, shows you what they know in Pittsburgh about goat meat. Latest trend? Certainly not at some of my favorite Mexican joints around Austin like The Texican.

We promise to keep you posted on all the breathtaking news from the nations biggest restaurant chains: if only for a grin or two.